Never eat alone free download

In Never Eat Alone , Ferrazzi lays out the specific steps—and inner mindset—he uses to reach out to connect with the thousands of colleagues, friends, and associates on his contacts list, people he has helped and who have helped him. The son of a small-town steelworker and a cleaning lady, Ferrazzi first used his remarkable ability to connect with others to pave the way to Yale, a Harvard M.

I like it, i really like it. He thought of relationships as finite, like a pie that can be cut into only so many pieces. Take a piece away, and there was that much less for him. I knew, however, that relationships are more like muscles—the more you work them, the stronger they become. But David kept score. He saw every social encounter in terms of diminishing returns. For him, there was only so much goodwill available in a relationship and only so much collateral and equity to burn. Jack Pidgeon, the former headmaster of the Kiski School in southwestern Pennsylvania, where I went to high school, taught me that lesson.

But I was young and naive and ready for battle. Unfortunately, we barely had time to don our armor before we were forced to wave the white flag of surrender. A month into the campaign, we ran out of money.

Eight other college kids and I were literally thrown out of our hotel room, which doubled as our campaign headquarters, in the middle of the night by a general manager who had not been paid in too long a time. We decided to pack our duffel bags into a rented van, and, not knowing what else to do, we headed to Washington, D.

Boy, we were green. In the middle of the night, at some anonymous rest stop on the way to Washington, I called Mr. Pidgeon from a pay phone. When I told him about our situation, he chuckled. Then he proceeded to do what he has done for several generations of Kiski alums. He opened his Rolodex and started making calls.

By the time our caravan of lost souls made it to D. Pidgeon had made a few similar calls for Jim in his day. Pidgeon understood the value of introducing people to people, Kiski boy to Kiski boy. He knew not only the impact it would have on our individual lives but that the loyalty such acts engender would ultimately reap rewards for the nearly bankrupt, small, five-building facility in southwestern Pennsylvania he was trying to establish. And so it has. Jim and I are now on the board of directors at our alma mater.

My point is this: Relationships are solidified by trust. You gain trust by asking not what people can do for you, to paraphrase an earlier Kennedy, but what you can do for others. In other words, the currency of real networking is not greed but generosity. Experience will not save you in hard times, nor will hard work or talent. Who cares? In fact, no one else I know has heard from him either. Like so many industries, entertainment is a small world. And never keep score.

If your interactions are ruled by generosity, your rewards will follow suit. Each of us is now a brand.

Gone are the days where your value as an employee was limited to your loyalty and seniority. Nothing else compares. Its like Miracle-Gro for networks.

Give your time, money, and expertise to your growing community of friends. Thanks again, Mr. Make more money or more friends? Successful athletes, CEOs, charismatic leaders, rainmaking salespeople, and accomplished managers all know what they want in life, and they go after it.

As my dad used to say, no one becomes an astronaut by accident. My own focus on goal setting started early. Sigma Chi had a rich tradition and an alumni roster of impressive leaders. So we founded a chapter. I lost, but in the process I met everyone from William F. I made regular visits to see Bart up until he died; he was a virtual oracle of advice and contacts for me.

Later, I would apply this insight with even more vigor. I knew I needed a focus, a direction that I could pour my energies into. An article by Michael Hammer that I read in business school gave me that focus. Here was a chance to become an expert on a relatively new body of knowledge and research that was quickly becoming in hot demand. I read all the case studies and attended every conference or lecture I could. Wherever Michael Hammer was, there was I. Over time, he thankfully saw me less as a stalker and more as a pupil and friend.

And with that success, my career, which had once been on shaky ground, began to soar. Yes, it really is that important. Over the years, IVe refined my own goal-setting process into three steps.

But the key is to make setting goals a habit. If you do that, goal setting becomes a part of your life. Otherwise, you might find yourself headed for a destination you never wanted to get to in the first place.

Studies indicate that well over 50 percent of Americans are unhappy at work. People get overwhelmed by the decisions they have to make about their jobs, their families, their businesses, their futures. There are too many choices, it seems. Many of us respond by simply falling into whatever comes down the pike without ever asking ourselves some very important questions. Have you ever sat down and thought seriously about what you truly love?

What you want to accomplish in life? What are the obstacles that are stopping you? We all have our own loves, insecurities, strengths, weaknesses, and unique capabilities. And we have to take those into account in figuring out where our talents and desires intersect. When that blue flame is ignited within a person, it is a powerful force in getting you where you want to go.

His blue flame, he decided, was the study of Greek mythol- ogy. When he was told there was no such major, he devised his own plan.

After graduation, he moved into a cabin in Woodstock, New York, where he did nothing but read from nine in the morning until six or seven each night for five years. Campbell emerged from the woods a very, very knowledgeable man, but he still had no clue what to do with his life. He persisted in following his love of mythology anyway. The people who met him during this time were astonished by his wisdom and passion.

Eventually, he was invited to speak at Sarah Lawrence College. One lecture led to another, until finally, when Campbell looked up one day twenty-eight years later, he was a famous author and professor of mythology, doing what he loved, at the same school that had given him his first break. We only have to look for it. Deciding on your passion, your bliss, your blue flame is no different. There are two aspects to getting good information. One part comes from within you; the other part comes from those around you.

Look inside There are many ways to conduct a self-assessment of your goals and dreams. Some people pray. Others meditate or read.

Some exercise. A few seek long periods of solitude. You have to be able to set aside the obstacles of time, money, and obligation. Next to that first list, I write down in a second column all the things that bring me joy and pleasure: the achievements, people, and things that move me. The clues can be found in the hobbies you pursue and the magazines, movies, and books you enjoy. Look outside Next, ask the people who know you best what they think your greatest strengths and weaknesses are.

Then he stopped. He described driving to school through the suburbs of Houston and ogling the office buildings with their great flagpoles. Dell wanted a flagpole. He wanted that kind of presence. To him, it was a symbol of success, and it drove him to envision starting up his own company before he could legally order a drink. Today, he has three flagpoles. Our achievements grow according to the size of our dreams and the degree to which we are in touch with our mission.

Coming up with goals, updating them, and monitoring our progress in achieving them is less important, I believe, than the process of emotionally deciding what it is you want to do. Does that mean a hopeless dreamer could have run GE as well as Neutron Jack? Of course not. The transformation of a dream into reality requires hard work and discipline.

He has the ability and sensibility that allows him to walk into various industries and see where the opportunities are. The mission is often risky, unconventional, and most likely tough as hell to achieve. But it is possible.

The kind of discipline that turns a dream into a mission, and a mission into a reality, really just comes down to a process of setting goals. First, it must be imagined. Then, one needs to gather the skills, tools, and materials needed.

It takes time. The most simple version of the plan is separated into three distinct parts: The first part is devoted to the development of the goals that will help you fulfill your mission.

And the third part helps you determine the best way to reach out to the people who will help you to accomplish your goals. This means choosing a medium to connect, but, more important, it means finding a way to lead with generosity. Its a bare-bones, straightforward worksheet, but it has been extraordinarily helpful to me, my sales staff, and many of my friends. Under each time frame, I create an A goal and a B goal that will meaningfully contribute to where I want to be three years from now.

A close friend, Jamie, offers a good example of how this works. Jamie was struggling to find direction in her life. But she found academia too stuffy. She gave business a shot, but found the world of commerce unrewarding. So Jamie spent several months living in Manhattan thinking about where she was going in life, until it occurred to her that what she really wanted to do was teach children.

I asked Jamie to give my Relationship Action Plan a try. She was skeptical at first. Nonetheless, she agreed to try it. So she set about filling out the worksheet. Her A goal three years forward was to be a teacher. Her three-year B goal was to be a teacher in a well-respected district located in a place she wanted to live.

Then she filled in her short-term A and B goals. In a year, she wanted to be teaching full-time; she made a list of some of the best high schools in Manhattan that she might enjoy working at. Jamie did her research and found the contact for a program that places midcareer professionals into teaching positions. She also found out the names of the people at each of the best high schools she had listed who were responsible for hiring. Within a couple of weeks, Jamie was on her way. She started to see the symbiotic relationship between goal setting and reaching out to the people who can help us achieve those goals.

The more she accomplished, the bigger her teaching network grew. Jamie is now a tenured high school history teacher in one of the best high schools in the country, in Beverly Hills, California. And she loves the job.

Ultimately, the third stage helps you do two things: first, assess which of the strategies Til show you in the following chapters will be most successful. The purpose of this exercise is to show that there is a process, a system if you will, involved in building a network.

Connecting with others really just involves having a predetermined plan and carrying it out, whether you want to be a ninth-grade history teacher or start your own business. Once you have your plan, post it in a place or places where you will see it on a regular basis. Share your goals with others. This is very powerful and perhaps one of the most rewarding aspects of having clear goals—there are hidden opportunities waiting to be accessed in everyone if you just tell them what you want.

I like to keep some variation of mine in my phone to remind myself regularly what I need to be accomplishing, and whom I need to reach out to. A few years ago, I laminated a small version of the sheet and kept it in my wallet. But your goals must be in writing. Have the conviction to put your intentions to paper.

An unwritten wish is just a dream. In writing, its a commitment, a goal. Vague, sweeping goals are too broad to be acted upon. They must be concrete and detailed. Step out of your comfort zone; set goals that require risk and uncertainty. And when you achieve your goal, set another one. He would set annual sales goals for himself, write them down, and place them wherever he could: in his wallet, on his refrigerator, in his desk.

The man was never satisfied. What matters is the goal setting, Lyle would say, not the goal getting. To prepare yourself to run a marathon, you must get out there and jog every day. Every day! As in any business, even the best- conceived plans benefit from external vetting.

It helps to have an enlightened counselor, or two or three, to act as both cheerleader and eagle-eyed supervisor, who will hold you accountable. I call this group my personal board of advisors. I was adrift. I had to reassess my mission. Up until that point, marketing in the hospitality industry was a regional affair, often left to individual hotels. Our plan was to consolidate our marketing functions under one roof with a global outlook. The new president made it clear that we would not be moving forward with our plan to reorganize the marketing department.

The writing was on the wall for the plan and for me personally. I was shocked. I left: work early that particular day and jogged mile after mile through the beautiful paths of New Yorks Central Park. Exercise has always been a refuge where I do some of my best thinking. But some ten miles later, I was still in shock. The next morning, as I walked into the office, I knew that my future was somewhere else.

It was time for me to establish a new goal. Should I seek out another position as chief marketing officer, proving myself by building bigger and better brands, striving for greater revenue and profits , and helping to turn a company into a brand icon?

Or should I set my sights even higher? But it seldom happens for those in marketing. To truly define the brand, the ultimate marketing job was to be the CEO. What were my chances of getting such a job? What sacrifices or risks were involved? In the wake of my disappointment, after years of go, go, go, I felt lost. I needed to figure out what I wanted to be all over again. And I was scared. For the first time in ages, I had no company to attach to my name.

I took a Vipassana meditation retreat where I sat for ten hours each day for ten days straight—in silence. I wondered if I might fritter away all my time thinking. I wondered if I should go back to Pennsylvania and find a smaller pond to inhabit. What are my weaknesses? What are the various industry opportunities available to me?

I listed the venture capitalists I wanted to meet, the CEOs I knew, the leaders I could turn to for advice, and the companies that I admired. When everything was laid out, I reached out to my personal board of advisors.

Yet when I looked inside myself, that was exactly what I wanted to do. Sitting down with Tad Smith, then a publishing executive and one of my best friends and advisors, I was told I had to get over the prestige of working for a Fortune company.

It was exactly the advice I needed to hear. Now I knew this was where I needed to look, and I began refining my action plan. From that day on, many of the calls I made, and the meetings and conferences I attended, were aimed at finding the right small company to call home. Three months later, I had five job offers. I had gotten to know Sandy during my time with Deloitte, when I was exploring paths into the entertainment world.

Sandy introduced me to the people at a company called YaYa, one of the investments in his firms portfolio. They had a good concept and the strength of committed employees and founders. They needed a bigger vision to get the market s attention, some buzz for their then-unknown product, and someone who could use all that to sell, sell, sell. The company was located in Los Angeles, and it offered the sort of unconventional route into the entertainment world I had been looking for and a chance to bring my experience as a marketer to the CEO job.

My friend had been inspired by her tale of triumph. Hearing her story, I felt the same way. From the get-go, there were naysayers, people who insisted it couldn't be done. Their negativity simply provided more fuel for her fire. You just have to push through. You might lose friends, encounter seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and face the most troubling hurdle of all— your own self-doubt.

Feigles had always planned to go to college. Raised by a single mother in small-town Milton, Pennsylvania, the opportunities were slim. She was married by seventeen and pregnant a year later. She worked full-time as a hairstylist in her husband's salon and raised her only son.

Twenty years went by. Growth, she reflected, came only from change. And change came only from new goals. She was working part-time as a secretary at the chamber of commerce when she realized life had more to offer. Why am I on the wrong end of this? Not everyone who has a Ph. So she buckled down and learned the subject within a few months. After a summer stint at community college, she decided to apply to a top-tier civil engineering school at Bucknell University.

The associate dean, Trudy Cunningham, didn't sugarcoat the situation. She had supportive friends and advisors all around. For the other students, the end of class meant keg parties and football games. Feigles doesn't remember a day she didn't think of quitting. She failed. I told her not to worry, I wasn't about to commit suicide," she recalls with the wry insight reserved for someone who's been through it. She ended up with a C in the class. Many sleepless nights and several Cs later, Feigles found herself among other engineers in the graduating class of No one was more astonished than the graduate herself: "I just kept on thinking, 'W hat have I done?

Reaching your goals can be difficult. Clinton promptly pulled out a black address book. He knew, even then, that he wanted to run for office, and his sense of purpose emboldened his efforts with both passion and sincerity. Throughout his career, Clinton's political aspirations and his ability to reach out to others have gone hand in hand. Clinton doesn't just recall your personal information; he uses the information as a means to affirm a bond with you. From Clinton, two lessons are clear: First, the more specific you are about where you want to go in life, the easier it becomes to develop a networking strategy to get there.

Clinton illustrates how charming and popular you can become, and remain, when you treat everyone you meet with sincerity. The great myth of networking is that you start reaching out to others only when you need something like a job. In reality, people who have the largest circle of contacts, mentors, and friends know that you must reach out to others long before you need anything at all. George, for example, is a smart guy in his twenties who was introduced to me through a mutual friend.

George worked in public relations in New York and aspired to start his own PR business. He asked me to lunch one day looking for advice and encouragement.

Ten minutes after we sat down, I knew he was on the wrong track. My plan is to work my way up in my current company to a point where I can afford to leave. Had he thought about what kind of industry he wanted to specialize in? Had he thought about where the top people in that industry hang out? Once he could answer those questions, the next step was to go hang with this new circle of people. Which is why you should offer your services for free—at least at first.

Then, and only then, is it time to go back to your company and ask to go half time, or better yet, turn them into your second big client. You have a group of people who will help transition you into a new career. New graduates find that many entry-level jobs have been replaced by no- or low-paying internships. Too often, we get caught up efficiently doing ineffective things, focusing solely on the work that will get us through the day. The dynamics of building a relationship are necessarily incremental.

Right now, there are countless ways you can begin to create the kind of community that can help further your career. All of these suggestions will help you meet new people. My first year in business school, I started consulting with my friend Tad Smith. Instead, we wanted to offer our knowledge and work ethic to small companies for cut- rate prices. What about the world you inhabit right now?

Are you making the most of the connections you already have? Imagine, for a moment, that all of your family and friends and associates are a part of a garden. What do you see? Your potential for connecting is at this moment far bigger than you realize. There are a number of things that you can do to harness the power of your preexisting network.

Have you investigated the friends and contacts of your parents? How about your siblings? Your friends from college and grad school? What about your church, bowling league, or gym? How about your doctor or lawyer or Realtor or broker? But the first step has nothing to do with strangers; you should start connecting with the people you do know.

Everyone from your family to your mailman is a portal to an entirely new set of folks. Others around you are far more likely to help you if they already know and like you. Start gardening now. The Genius of Audacity Seize this very minute; what you can do, or dream you can, begin it; Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. He wanted more for me, his son. He knew I would have a better life if he could help me find a way out of our working-class heritage.

He knew nothing of country clubs or private schools. He could picture only one man who would have the sort of pull that could help me: his boss. The two men had never met. But Dad had a clear sense of how the world worked.

So he asked to speak with McKenna. McKenna, upon hearing the request, was so intrigued that he took the meeting. In the course of the meeting, he agreed to meet me— but nothing more. He served on the board of a local private elementary school, the Valley School of Ligonier, where all the wealthy families sent their children; by reputation it was one of the best elementary schools in the country.

Strings were pulled, and Mr. McKenna got us an appointment with Peter Messer, the headmaster. As I look back on my career, that education was the single most important act in my life. Moreover, the lesson I learned from my fathers action, like no other, informed all that I have done since.

He stopped the car, picked it up, and knocked on the door of the home where the discarded toy lay waiting to be picked up. I think I can fix it. It would make me feel wonderful to give my son something like this.

Imagine how that woman felt, having been given an opportunity to give such a gift to another person. It surely made her day. And Dad had taught me that there is genius, even kindness, in being bold. Every time I start to set limits to what I can and cant do, or fear starts to creep into my thinking, I remember that Big Wheel tricycle. The memories of those days have stuck with me.

My father taught me that the worst anyone can say is no. If they choose not to give their time or their help, its their loss. Nothing in my life has created opportunity like a willingness to ask, whatever the situation.

Was I nervous? You bet. But I jumped at the opportunity to speak with him and made a beeline for the seat next to his. I do this sort of thing all the time, whatever the situation.

Sometimes I fail. Creating an enriching circle of trusted relationships requires one to be out there, in the mix, all the time. Then I remember the Big Wheel my father got me, and push ahead anyway. Of course, there are individuals whose inherent self- confidence and social skills enable them to connect with ease.

Then there are the rest of us. It was uncomfortable. But you know what? That fear always overrides my anxiety about rejection or being embarrassed. For many people, the fear of meeting others is closely tied to the fear of public speaking a fear that consistently beats out death as the one thing we dread most.

You are not alone. The second thing is to recognize that getting over that fear is critical to your success. The third is to commit to getting better. But everyone knows that one person within their group of friends and associates who seems to engage others with little or no fear. Take them with you, when appropriate, to social outings and observe their behaviors. Pay attention to their actions.

Many businesses have responded to the nearly infinite number of people who recognize they need to become better speakers. Most people who come to them for help are looking to gain self- confidence and some trusty tools for overcoming shyness.

What they do offer is a chance to practice, in a nonintimidating environment, with an instructor who can guide and push you. One of the most well known is the Toastmasters Club. Clubs develop around all of these interests.

Join up. When you feel up to it, become one of the leaders of the group. This last step is crucial. Being a leader in life takes practice—so practice! The possibilities for making new contacts and reaching out to others will grow and grow. One, I think merely acting on the desire to be better than you are now, no matter the venue, is a very important commitment. Two, some of the most successful people I know have been to a therapist at one point or another in their lives.

Many studies funded by the National Institute of Mental Health report a high success rate using counseling to alleviate the conditions that normally inhibit a shy person. Set a goal for yourself of initiating a meeting with one new person a week. Slide up next to someone at the bar and say hello.

Embrace it as learning. Fail better. Rosenberg is the madam of moxie, and for good reason. She cut the article out and sent a letter to the A. Two weeks went by and her letter went unanswered. Rosenberg went on to become the first woman to speak on behalf of the A. Speakers have an easier time meeting other people and expanding their network.

You should seek out opportunities to speak at conferences or meetings to make use of this fact. Experts have intrinsic authority on whatever subject they speak about.

This allows them to grow their network of underlings and superiors even more effectively. Experts also enjoy greater life satisfaction and will find it easier to meet with other experts in their field. Such a positive feedback loop is excellent for overall life success. These are relationships such as acquaintances or work companions.

Focus on these networking relationships as they help you find new information, ideas, and job opportunities. More than your core network, they will help you expand your social web and gain new advantages from networking. Search for:.